Brittain, Vera, Diary, 22 August 1915

00000298-24.jpg
Description: 
Diary of Vera Brittain

Tabs

Case Study: 
From Youth to Experience: Vera Brittain’s Work for Peace in Two World Wars
Creator: 
Brittain, Vera
Source: 
diary
Date: 
22 August 1915
Collection/Fonds: 
Contributer: 
McMaster University Libraries
Rights: 
Vera Brittain estate; McMaster University has a non-exclusive licence to publish this document.

Identifier: 
00000298-24
Language: 
eng
Type: 
image
Format: 
jpg
Transcript: 

him; he has been my Prince, and I've always worshipped & adored him so..."
"How you must detest me," I said quickly.
"I don't indeed, dear," she said. "I am very fond of you, but I do want any any woman that gets him to care for him so very much -- just as I have done; it means so much to me..."
"I do, Mrs. Leighton," I said, with a half-angry consciousness that I could not make my voice anything but chill & emotionless, "But I am quite incapable of saying anything that will show you how much. You see, I have never really loved anyone before." She regarded me through her tears with that warm glance of sweet consideration that always moves me so much. Then she put her arms round me and said "We will love him together dear." I gently disengaged myself & sat down on a high wooden chair in what was I am sure very stiff & distant attitude. Inwardly I cursed myself for the absurd reserve which would not let me respond as I wish to do, with a warmth equal to hers. I felt all through the conversation that I was hopelessly inadequate and unresponsive and cold, which tormented me greatly when I would have given anything to show to her of all people what I really felt. I don't suppose, even though her intuition is really remarkable that she will ever know this unless she happens to get hold of this book one day, and realises not only what is here, but all that even this means of self-expression leaves unexpressed. I said to her when we had talked for some time that I was afraid she had not got much out of me, because the more I felt the more I kept it to myself. She said she had thought that perhaps in this week-end she might get to know me really well, but